I've always loved roller coasters
It's the thrill. The expected climb and the sudden drop. The loops and twists. I've always loved a good roller coaster.
That's a good metaphor for our life. To me this ride is normal but I talk to other friends and realize that not everyone chooses to live such a roller coaster life. I think a good many people do but it's not by choice. Not us... oh no....We chose this. And if I'm really honest, we love it.
Two and a half years ago my husband quit his very secure, good paying, promotion giving job in order to pursue his passion for entrepreneur-ism. He quit without a solid plan B. We only had some savings and a whole lotta faith. The lessons learned in that first year are a different story for another day but I'll say this, it's been a ride. The past 18 months have been breathtaking in many different ways. My husband is being molded the entrepreneur he's been working so hard to become. The work is relentless. He is gone 12-15 hours a day depending on the day. We purchased a laundromat (lovingly named The Mat), have purchased 13 rental units, and he is running a very successful handy man business. I home school our 4 children who are 10, 9, 7 and 5 while also running the office side of all our business pursuits, volunteering for our local pregnancy center and serving on the women's ministry team at our church. None of that is said to pat us on the back or to put the god of "busyness" on a pedestal- but to let you in on what I mean by "the roller coaster". It's busy. It's full. It is climbs and drops, twists and turns. But, like I said, we love it...for now.
The past month has been analogous to the post roller coaster headache. You know what I'm talking about? You know the way old, wooden roller coasters treat your body? They are rough. They jostle you around, jarring your body in ways that you didn't expect. You get off the ride and instantly have a headache either from all the jolting or from the tension in your neck just trying to hold your head on. If you've ridden a rough roller coaster you know what I mean. This month has been like that. It's been slightly painful. Wondering why we chose to do this to ourselves. Why do we choose to live this way? Yet, ever so slowly, the headache wears off and before you know it you are back in line for the next ride.
Today I find myself back in line. Maybe it's because we are off school for a week. Maybe it's because I've ridden one too many coasters and I'm delusional from all the trauma. That's completely plausible. But, nevertheless, here I find myself ready for another go around.
I have a peace that I haven't had for a couple of months. Matthew and I were talking last night and I told him that I find the lack of steadiness to be anxiety inducing. Never knowing what the next job is. Never knowing what time to make dinner each night. Not being able to plan very far in advance for anything. It's all so troubling to me. But why? Why is it so hard for me?
It's because I need to feel like I'm in control. I don't like the feeling of being out of control. Control is safety. Control is comfort. Control is security. But control is an illusion.
We don't have control even when we think we do. I have no more control over my life now than I did when my husband was working a steady job with really good, cheap benefits and paid vacations. And if I'm honest I know it. It was pseudo-control. Pseudo security.
Security is not actually found in steady days. It's not found in lots of money or paid time off. It's not found in dinner being ready at 5:30pm every night. It's only found in knowing that we have a hope in something far more steady than anything this world has to offer us.
Jesus is my steady.
He is constant and sure. ---Ok, this is about to get real Christian corny but I have to say it--- He is the harness on my roller coaster. When I know my harness is secure then I am free to enjoy the ride! (Sorry, not sorry) It brings refreshment and joy knowing that my lack of control is not a lacking at all. I lack nothing because He has given me everything I need already. My security is in him alone. His peace can fill my heart when I relinquish my pseudo control and enjoy the good gifts he has given me. I have to learn to preach this to myself every day. I need to wake up with this truth ringing in my ears. Remind me of this, ok?
My husband is doing what he loves to do (and what I love to see him doing) and as that continues to mold and take shape I am thankful for the goodness God has blessed us with.
And so- I have decided (after many friends encouraging me to do so...;) ) to write this blog- as a cathartic expression and as a journey through our days. It will probably be a lot of this. Me jotting down our life. Telling the stories of God's goodness in our days. It wont be fancy and it probably wont be very pretty because I am the most technologically challenged 31 year old on the planet- but it will be genuine and hopefully encouraging. I'd really love it if you felt so inclined to join us.
That's a good metaphor for our life. To me this ride is normal but I talk to other friends and realize that not everyone chooses to live such a roller coaster life. I think a good many people do but it's not by choice. Not us... oh no....We chose this. And if I'm really honest, we love it.
Two and a half years ago my husband quit his very secure, good paying, promotion giving job in order to pursue his passion for entrepreneur-ism. He quit without a solid plan B. We only had some savings and a whole lotta faith. The lessons learned in that first year are a different story for another day but I'll say this, it's been a ride. The past 18 months have been breathtaking in many different ways. My husband is being molded the entrepreneur he's been working so hard to become. The work is relentless. He is gone 12-15 hours a day depending on the day. We purchased a laundromat (lovingly named The Mat), have purchased 13 rental units, and he is running a very successful handy man business. I home school our 4 children who are 10, 9, 7 and 5 while also running the office side of all our business pursuits, volunteering for our local pregnancy center and serving on the women's ministry team at our church. None of that is said to pat us on the back or to put the god of "busyness" on a pedestal- but to let you in on what I mean by "the roller coaster". It's busy. It's full. It is climbs and drops, twists and turns. But, like I said, we love it...for now.
The past month has been analogous to the post roller coaster headache. You know what I'm talking about? You know the way old, wooden roller coasters treat your body? They are rough. They jostle you around, jarring your body in ways that you didn't expect. You get off the ride and instantly have a headache either from all the jolting or from the tension in your neck just trying to hold your head on. If you've ridden a rough roller coaster you know what I mean. This month has been like that. It's been slightly painful. Wondering why we chose to do this to ourselves. Why do we choose to live this way? Yet, ever so slowly, the headache wears off and before you know it you are back in line for the next ride.
Today I find myself back in line. Maybe it's because we are off school for a week. Maybe it's because I've ridden one too many coasters and I'm delusional from all the trauma. That's completely plausible. But, nevertheless, here I find myself ready for another go around.
I have a peace that I haven't had for a couple of months. Matthew and I were talking last night and I told him that I find the lack of steadiness to be anxiety inducing. Never knowing what the next job is. Never knowing what time to make dinner each night. Not being able to plan very far in advance for anything. It's all so troubling to me. But why? Why is it so hard for me?
It's because I need to feel like I'm in control. I don't like the feeling of being out of control. Control is safety. Control is comfort. Control is security. But control is an illusion.
We don't have control even when we think we do. I have no more control over my life now than I did when my husband was working a steady job with really good, cheap benefits and paid vacations. And if I'm honest I know it. It was pseudo-control. Pseudo security.
Security is not actually found in steady days. It's not found in lots of money or paid time off. It's not found in dinner being ready at 5:30pm every night. It's only found in knowing that we have a hope in something far more steady than anything this world has to offer us.
Jesus is my steady.
He is constant and sure. ---Ok, this is about to get real Christian corny but I have to say it--- He is the harness on my roller coaster. When I know my harness is secure then I am free to enjoy the ride! (Sorry, not sorry) It brings refreshment and joy knowing that my lack of control is not a lacking at all. I lack nothing because He has given me everything I need already. My security is in him alone. His peace can fill my heart when I relinquish my pseudo control and enjoy the good gifts he has given me. I have to learn to preach this to myself every day. I need to wake up with this truth ringing in my ears. Remind me of this, ok?
My husband is doing what he loves to do (and what I love to see him doing) and as that continues to mold and take shape I am thankful for the goodness God has blessed us with.
And so- I have decided (after many friends encouraging me to do so...;) ) to write this blog- as a cathartic expression and as a journey through our days. It will probably be a lot of this. Me jotting down our life. Telling the stories of God's goodness in our days. It wont be fancy and it probably wont be very pretty because I am the most technologically challenged 31 year old on the planet- but it will be genuine and hopefully encouraging. I'd really love it if you felt so inclined to join us.
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